Harry Potter Parody
by SaZzA-003
Summary: ron is left all by himself in a mall, what kind of things does he get up to and where are Hermione and Harry


Harry Potter Parody 

"Where are we?" a red headed male exclaimed looking around at the unfamiliar surroundings.

"It's called a mall, Ron. You promised to take me shopping today, so here we are," a brown haired female answered.

The two teenagers and another boy, with dark messy hair and green eyes, were standing in the middle of an Australian shopping centre, the red head eyeing the shops with interest.

"These muggles sure do like to live in style. If you can call it style," he stated looking in particular at a fancy furniture shop. "You would never see any of this sort of stuff in ANY wizard's home. Well maybe at Malfoy Manor, you never know with Malfoys. They always looked very iffy to me. What is that shop, Hermione?" 

Hermione blushed, "Umm… well it's… umm… Vi… Victoria's Secret." She stuttered. "Come on I want to go to Sanity." She pulled herself together and led the boys to the music store.   

"Wow! These muggles have nice taste in music as well. It isn't The Bash Brothers, but its pretty good." exclaimed Ron who was listening to Hanson REALLY loudly on one of the headphones placed around the room.

"We don't know him, do we Harry?" Hermione asked the other boy who was reading the back of an Evanescence album.

"Don't know who?" he joked "Lets see what he will do if we leave him for a while."

"That is sooo mean! But it would be funny. Come on let's go," Hermione snickered as they slowly edged out of the shop and ran for the crowded food court.

"Hermione, Harry! Where are you?! Hey guys, come on," Ron was freaking out, alone in a strange shopping centre with no money and no way of getting home, "Come on guys this isn't funny anymore, you've had your fun."

"Look at him, he's freaked. Lets follow him, I just got my dad's video camera back from the shop," Hermione stated taking out a video camera from a black leather case, "This is going to be great!"

"He's going to kill us for this," Harry laughed as they followed behind the terrified wizard, "I feel like a secret agent, they call me Potter, Harry Potter," he imitating James Bond.

"Come on Harry, we're missing out on quality blackmail material by standing here. Look upstairs but he's on the wrong escalator!"

*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*With Ron*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*

"Why aren't I going up?! Hermione said these things were supposed to help you to get to the next level," Ron muttered to himself, gaining looks from the people who were going up on the other escalator, "Oh! I'm on the wrong one! Ha ha ha!"

*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*

"And I thought he was daft before!" Harry stated laughing so hard you would think he was mental.

"Talk about stupid," Hermione added, "Come on. He's upstairs already."

*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*With Ron*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*

"Wow! Look at all the strange sweets," Ron stated loudly, once again receiving looks from passers by.

Suddenly Ron was shoved aside by a bulky male, who obviously thought Ron was in the way, and into an old woman with a walking stick.

"You hooligan!!" she cried whacking him repeatedly on the head with her handbag.

"Ouch! Stop that! It hurts!" Ron exclaimed, covering his head with his arms, " I'm sorry. Ouch!"  

*~~~~*~~~~*Harry and Hermione*~~~~*~~~~*

"Man, this is funnier than I expected! He's so brainless! You know we could enter this in Britain's funniest bloopers and win for sure!" Hermione laughed

"I know." Harry replied

*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*With Ron*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*

"I wonder what this strange contraption does," Ron said to himself holding an eggbeater in his hands, "Oh, look it turns!"

Suddenly the eggbeater got caught on the girl next to him's hair and pulled off her wig.

"Opps," Ron quickly put the death trap back on the shelf and quickly exited the shop muttering "Poor girl."  

*~~~~*~~~~*Harry and Hermione*~~~~*~~~~*

"Oh My God is that funny. Fancy him pulling someone's wig off. But it was kind of mean of him not to tell her," Hermione added seriously.

"Hermione I've just got to see the look on her face when she finds out. Can we please," Harry pleaded.

"Oh, alright," she answered

They didn't have to wait long before there was a scream heard from inside of the shop and a young girl came running out with a blonde wig in one hand and an eggbeater. 

As she exited through the doors the alarm went off and two bulky security guards ran out of the bathroom, after her.

Her hair, that was obviously covered by the wig at one stage, was fluorescent green and probably the result of a science experiment gone wrong. The look on her face was a mix of embarrassment and shock and she looked on the brink of sanity.

"Please tell me you got that," Harry pleaded looking at Hermione through a face of tears.

"I wouldn't miss a shot like that Harry, don't you believe in me?" she replied, "Jesus, where has he gone now!?"

"I think he was going in that direction," Harry said pointing straight towards a toyshop that had a clearance sale sign hung up in the window.

"Well it is worth a try."

The two walked into the shop and immediately caught sight of Ron next to an electric clapping spider, Ron seemingly hadn't noticed the row of boxed toy spiders behind him.

Creeping up behind the pillar, of which the spider was hung, Hermione clapped her hands twice the moment Ron turned around, startling him. It took a total of three seconds to him to recognise the spider that was now creeping back up the wall and he screamed bouncing back into the shelf of toy spiders, knocking it to the ground and scattering toy spiders of all shapes, sizes and brands from their boxes and all over the ground.

*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*With Ron*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*

Ron screamed again as the spiders made their way over to him and preceded to try and crawl over him. He scrambled to his feet and ran out of the shop and into the first open doors he could find.

They shut automatically behind him and he was left panting in the middle of an empty elevator.

"Where am I?" Ron asked himself, "Is this some sort of secret room?"

As soon as that was said the doors opened. Waiting a moment to make sure it was safe Ron walked towards the doors. Suddenly they shut making him jump back in surprise.

When the doors opened again Ron waited once more to see if the doors would close on him. Quite satisfied he then moved to once again try and exit through the automatic doors, they shut instantly.

A sharp jolt knocked him to the floor as the "secret room" began to move slowly south.

Ron cried loudly, "Why me! I'm too young to die!"

The doors then opened as the "room" stopped and Ron dashed out into the main hall. He knocked an old man the floor before sharply turning left, right into a pyramid of canned baked beans.

Once more he scrambled to his feet only to then trip over the side of the water fountain. Getting up, soaking wet, he stumbled over to the food court, where most of the seats were occupied.

Sitting down he placed his head in his arms, resting.

*~~~~*~~~~*Harry and Hermione*~~~~*~~~~*

"I'm so glad we got that!" Hermione was skipping into the food court with a chuckling Harry after her.

"That poor man though," Harry replied.

"Harry guess what I bought," Hermione said in a singsong voice. She pulled a LARGE cream pie from a bag she was holding.

"OOOOO, can I? Please," Harry pleaded looking at the pie, "You got to do the spider."

"Oh ok," Hermione handed him the dessert and got behind a pot plant with her trusty camera in her hand.

Harry stood behind a column and aimed the pie at Ron's head.

As the pie hit, the room went silent. Ron was furious. He grabbed a pie, which had mysteriously appeared on the table he was sitting at, and threw it in the direction the pie seemed to come from.

Unfortunately instead of hitting Harry it hit the bulky male who had bumped into him outside of the sweet shop. The pie slipped down the back of his head. 

Angry he picked up another pie that had inexplicably materialized and was flung at Ron who ducked. The pie hit the girl who was sitting behind him and she turned around. And so the cream pie fight started.

There are only two words that can describe what happened next: Absolute Mayhem. There was food everywhere. And to top it all off a band of rampaging monkeys had escaped from the pet shop. The 7 monkeys went around stealing bananas from the different fruit shops and leaving the peals EVERYWHERE.

The food fight ended five minutes later when the security guards were informed of the disturbance. They took the bulky man, by the arm, to the station a grim expression set onto his face.

As Ron attempted to sneak away he slipped on one of the banana skins that the rampaging monkeys had left lying around.

He rammed into a wall and banged his head on the bricks.

Unexpectedly professor Dumbledore appeared and stood over Ron, an ice pack in his hands.

 "Are you ok, Ronald?" he asked placing the ice pack on his head.

"Hello professor Dumb-as-a-door. How are you?" Ron replied with stars in his eyes.

"Mr Potter, Miss Granger. Come out now. I think you've had enough fun for one day," Dumbledore said sternly, as the two walked out from their hiding places.

"We're sorry, Ron, we didn't mean for it to go this far. Will you ever forgive us"," Hermione asked putting on a puppy dogface. 

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Ron replied still rubbing his head to relieve the pain.

"Hermione, why are you all blotchy?" Harry asked looking at Hermione's face, which was covered in red patches.

"Oh no!! Poison Ivy!!" Hermione exclaimed as she immediately started itching.

"I guess now you know to never hide behind strange pot plants, don't you Miss Granger," Dumbledore said eyeing her with amusement.

"Yes Professor, sorry Professor." Hermione said looking down at the ground, shamefully. 

"Now you are to go back home and I don't want to hear of this incident until that video gets edited." Dumbledore commanded forcefulness in his voice and humour in his eyes 

"Yes sir!" came the reply.

"Video what video?" Ron was perplexed "What is a video?"

"Never mind, Ron, never mind."

The End


End file.
